Government Ends Racism

By scarrab on April 27, 2023

Rustopia US Large – April 26, 2023

A few months ago, one upstart General gathered his team and seized control of Giant Excavator. Although they were quickly overthrown by hostile forces, Mr. President rallied his troops for a Government bailout and reclaimed all their lost territory. The campaign was so successful that the upstart General felt he was untouchable – and that the rule of law no longer applied to his cabinet members.

A new policy was proposed and pushed forward which would legalize hate speech and racial slurs within the Government. The person who drafted this shocking amendment to the Bill of Rights was issued a subpoena, but it was used as [REDACTED] and subsequently disposed of. An arrest warrant was issued, and after an intense showdown, he was forced to stand trial for his actions.

Court proceedings and deliberations lasted far longer than usual, but in the end, justice was delivered.

Fast forward to April 2023: the Government’s alliance with the CO-OP is stronger than ever, art, literature, and culture are at an all-time high, and new citizens are arriving every day. After a month of relaxation at the “Pool Boys” resort, no weak links, liabilities, or embarrassments could be tolerated within Government ranks. The decision was made to indict every last person that voted in favor of racist policy change. The charges were defending racism and high treason. The verdict: guilty.

ABOVE: Everyone who voted in favor of allowing racial slurs, and their subsequent fate. Their best mathematicians were certain that 12 / 50 > 1 / 3.

During the court proceedings, a prominent member of the Government named after a weather phenomenon was accused by the defendants of being the mastermind of a grand hacking conspiracy. In reality, she was the victim of one, and was forced to format her hard disk.

Later that night, an unskilled programmer attempted a direct attack on the Government’s central computer. The attack did no damage and simply strengthened existing defense mechanisms that were in place.

Finally, while one of the defendants was waiting for her sentence to be carried out, she sent a .gif file. As I laid my eyes upon it, in an unprecedented moment of weakness, I wondered what the point of it all really was.